I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
