My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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