White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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