what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
