You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
