arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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