Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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