So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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