No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
