Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You took a bar mat shot.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
