apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
