Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
