dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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