smell my finger.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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