Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
