Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I need water and some morals
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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