I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
