At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
