I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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