I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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