Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Found your dick twin last night
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
