I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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