Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
