Christians are straight up FREAKS
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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