I cockslap morals
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
