I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
