yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
