I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
