How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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