apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
