it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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