I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
