Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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