there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
