Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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