she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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