never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
