he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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