it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
