those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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