The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
