since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
