there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
