we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
