I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
