Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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