smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
