like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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