Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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