I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
